It’s almost February 14, which means this is the perfect time to gather up some corny Valentine’s Day jokes! We’ve put together this list that is perfect for sharing. As always, we encourage you to read these jokes ahead of time to make sure they’re appropriate for your audience. And if you really love Valentine’s Day humor, you can also purchase these fun scratch-off Valentine’s jokes to hand out!
Our Favorite Valentine’s Day Jokes for Kids
1. Knock, knock. Who’s there? Olive. Olive who?
Olive you and I don’t care who knows it!
2. What did one boat say to the other?
Are you up for a little row-mance?
3. How can you tell if a calendar is popular?
It has a lot of dates.
4. What did the calculator say to the pencil?
You can count on me!
5. What do you call a very small valentine?
A valen-tiny.
6. What did the pencil say to the paper?
I dot my i’s on you!
7. Why did the banana go out with the prune?
Because it couldn’t get a date.
8. Do skunks celebrate Valentine’s Day?
Sure, they’re very scent-imental!
9. Did you hear about the nearsighted porcupine?
He fell in love with a pincushion.
10. What did the boy octopus say to the girl octopus on Valentine’s Day?
I want to hold your hand, hand, hand, hand, hand, hand, hand, hand!
11. What did one pickle say to the other?
You mean a great dill to me.
12. What did the paperclip say to the magnet?
I’m so attracted to you.
13. What do cavemen give their wives on Valentine’s Day?
Ughs and kisses.
14. Why do melons have to get married in church?
Because they cantaloupe.
15. What did the cat say to her BFF on Valentine’s Day?
We are purrrrrrrfect friends.
16. What did the boy candy say to the girl candy?
We were mint to be together.
17. What did one dog say to the other?
I love you drool-ly!
18. What does an owl say on Valentine’s Day?
Owl be yours!
19. What do you call two birds in love?
Tweethearts.
20. What did the shoe say to the lace on Valentine’s Day?
“Please be my sole-mate.”
21. What did the rabbit say to the squirrel on Valentine’s Day?
“Somebunny loves you a lot!”
22. Where can you find a Valentine’s Day date?
On the calendar.
23. What did the stamp say to the envelope?
“I’m stuck on you!”
24. How did boy bat and girl bat spend Valentine’s Day?
Hanging out together.
25. What did the light bulb say to the tube light on Valentine’s Day?
“I love you a whole watt!”
26. What do squirrels give each other for Valentine’s Day?
Forget-me-nuts.
27. What did the squirrel say to his valentine?
“I’m nuts about you!”
28. What did one volcano say to the other on Valentine’s Day?
I lava you!
29. What flowers give the most kisses on Valentine’s Day?
Tulips.
30. What did the doorbell give to his girlfriend?
A ring.
31. Name a flower that no one wants on Valentine’s Day.
Cauliflower.
32. What kind of Valentine’s Day candy is never on time?
Choco-late.
33. Knock knock. Who’s there? Luke. Luke who?
Luke who got a valentine!
34. Why didn’t the skeleton want to send any Valentine’s Day cards?
His heart wasn’t in it.
35. Knock knock. Who’s there? Frank. Frank who?
Frank you for being my friend!
36. What did the baker say to his sweetheart?
I’m dough-nuts about you!
37. What happens when you fall in love with a French chef?
You get buttered up.
38. What did one bee say to the other?
I love bee-ing with you, honey!
39. What do you get when you kiss a dragon on Valentine’s Day?
Third-degree burns on your lips.
40. What’s red on the outside and has you on the inside?
My heart.
41. What did one sheep say to the other?
I love ewe!
42. What do you call a ghost’s true love?
Their ghoul-friend.
43. What do you write in a slug’s Valentine’s Day card?
Be my valen-slime!
44. Why is Valentine’s Day a good day for a party?
Because you can really party heart-y!
45. Why would you want to marry a goalie?
Because they’re a real keeper!
46. What did the cook say to his girlfriend?
You’re bacon me crazy!
47. What shade of red is your heart?
Beat red.
48. What did Frankenstein’s monster say to his bride on Valentine’s Day?
Be my valenstein!
49. What type of shape is most popular on Valentine’s Day?
A-cute triangle.
50. What do snakes write at the bottom of their letters?
With love and hisses.
51. What did one Jedi say to the other on Valentine’s Day?
Yoda one for me!
52. Why did the sheriff lock up his daughter’s boyfriend?
He stole her heart.
53. What did the whale say to his sweetheart on Valentine’s Day?
Whale you be mine?
54. What did one pie say to the other?
Pie like you berry much.
55. What did the scientist say to his sweetheart?
We’ve got good chemistry.
56. What did the tree say to the houseplant?
Do you beleaf in love?
57. What did the needle say to the thread?
You’re sew special to me.
58. What do you say to your single friends on Valentine’s Day?
Happy Independence Day.
59. How did the telephone propose to his girlfriend?
He gave her a ring.
60. What would make Forrest Gump a good valentine?
He would probably gift you a box of chocolates.
61. What is it called when your father’s sister runs off to get married on Valentine’s Day?
Antelope.
62. What did the tennis ball say to the racquet on Valentine’s Day?
Hit me up.
63. What do you call someone who has a cold on Valentine’s Day?
Lovesick.
64. Why was the heartthrob arrested on Valentine’s Day?
He got caught stealing too many hearts.
65. What are insects called when they’re dating?
Lovebugs.
66. I fell in love with someone who only knew four vowels, but it didn’t work out.
They didn’t know “I” existed.
67. Why is lettuce the most loving vegetable?
Because it is all heart.
68. What do farmers give out on Valentine’s Day?
Lots of hogs and kisses.
69. What does a mushroom say to its valentine?
There’s so mushroom in my heart for you!
70. What do elephants say to each other on Valentine’s Day?
I love you a ton.
71. Why were the socks great together?
They were a perfect pair!
72. What is the best breakfast on Valentine’s Day?
A hug and quiche.
73. What did the sculptor say to their sweetheart?
I love you with all my art.
74. What did the woman with a broken leg tell her valentine?
I have a crutch on you.
75. Who was Cupid’s favorite band?
Kiss.
76. Knock, knock. Who’s there? Disguise. Disguise who?
Disguise is your boyfriend!
77. Who always has a date on Valentine’s Day?
A calendar.
78. What Valentine’s Day message can you find in a honeycomb?
Bee-mine.
79. How did the coin propose to his girlfriend?
He gave her a jingle.
80. What did one piece of toast say to the other?
You’re my butter half.
81. Why didn’t the young pugs make serious Valentine’s Day plans?
It was just puppy love.
82. What did the cashew say to the almond on Valentine’s Day?
I’m nuts about you.
83. What did the cappuccino say to their shy valentine?
Espresso yourself.
84. How did the green bean ask the other vegetable out on a date?
Peas be my valentine.
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